Rating - NC-17
Pairings - Major pairings: Angelus/William, Angelus/Darla, William/Darla. Minor pairings are various combinations of those six.
Keywords/Warnings: Found in some but not all chapters: Het and Slash Smut, Violence, Bloodplay, Torture, Rape. As you see by the pairings, I'm firmly of the opinion that as vampires, Angelus and William would have had a physical (sexual) relationship. If you don't agree, don't read this series.
Summary: This is my take on William's past, starting with being turned by Angelus, in 1880. I try to stick as close as possible to the timeline as given us by Joss Whedon where possible, but most of this is all my ideas, my attempts to "fill-in-the-blanks."
Dedications: To CrazyEvilDru, my beta and my favorite Buffy-Fic author in this world. She got me into writing smut, and then encouraged me in my first attempt at writing m/m smut, the first story of this series.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Spike awoke to find himself alone in Angelus' bed, something he was
disappointed yet grateful for. They had reached a sort of truce, the past
few days. Especially with the addition of Elise to the house, things weren't
as awkward between them. At least she made it more difficult for Angelus
to find moments alone with him, since he had taken to keeping her around
at every waking moment.
She didn't mind, though, and Spike had found her a pleasant compan--
Slave, he reminded himself. Even though she had become quite attached to
him, so most times he forgot that was what she was.
He sat up at the scream, from somewhere in the house. It was a muffled sound, and he frowned, trying to place it.
Elise. He sighed. He didn't know why he was bothered by it, other than the fact that he she was *his*, and he didn't like that the minions were allowed to use her too. Right, that was all it was.
*I have to ask Angelus to make her off-limits to the others,* he decided. Several evenings in a row she had been so bruised by the time he'd gotten to her that he actually pitied her. Angelus hadn't been happy about that, either, because it meant Spike had treated her "too well".
But Spike couldn't help it. He knew what it was like to be beaten bloody. And even if she was a human and was his slave, he hadn't had *any* reason to mistreat her. She was cooperative, had not disobeyed his wishes even once. The others just hurt her because they could. And even though Spike was far from kind when he was on the hunt, that was a different thing altogether. That was hunting, this was...
He sighed as he pulled his trousers on. He wasn't sure what this was, but he was starting to feel like this whole experiment was a disaster. *Maybe I'm too soft-hearted because she looks like Dru* he told himself. Because there *was* a resemblance. Especially in the fact that Elise seemed to be going slightly insane, lately.
He wasn't sure what to do about this, however. He'd caught Angelus' disapproving looks lately when he saw him with Elise. And he didn't want to upset his sire, they'd been getting along rather well, lately. But he didn't want to do this anymore. He wanted to just be a vampire, go hunting to feed or get his violent urges seen to, not have a pet - slave - human around for those things.
He walked downstairs and wasn't surprised to see Philip guarding the door. *Bloody hell, I'm *not* going anywhere. At least not out of the house,* Spike thought. *Though I *would* like to see Michael. It's been four days.*
He went across the living room to the basement door and tried it.
*Locked. Bloody hell. And he's probably got the key.* He shook his head and started to hunt for his sire, doing his best to ignore the increasing screams and sobs from downstairs.
He opened the door to the library without knocking and regretted it instantly. Angelus was "busy", but there was no business being done. He was on the couch, fucking one of the minions. And from the look on Julian's face he was obviously not getting a lot of pleasure out of the experience.
Spike turned to go, feeling sick for reasons he didn't want to think about. He wasn't jealous-- Cue the mocking laughter.
"Stay," Angelus ordered, as he saw William turn to leave. At first, he had intended to demand he leave, but then decided otherwise when he saw the flash of jealousy in his childe's eyes. He'd tried to push Will into dealing with his desire for him. Maybe he just hadn't pushed hard enough.
Spike shook his head. "I don't want--"
"I don't give a damn what you want, Boy," Angelus replied, "sit down, NOW." He punctuated the last word with a vicious thrust inside Julian, making him cry out. He'd chosen the young male because of his strong resemblance to Will, even though it didn't *feel* the same being inside him as it did with his childe.
Spike reluctantly turned and walked to the nearest chair, looking over at his sire. He bit his lip as his already hard penis stirred, unwilling to give any audible reaction to what he saw. He wondered if Angelus had taken Julian before, or if this was the first time? He remembered, as he watched Angelus thrust hard and quickly inside the young vampire how it had felt for *him* the first time. The pleasure that had seemed unbearable at the beginning and had just kept building, until he didn't know how he could take much more.
Angelus sensed Will's arousal, and when he met his eyes, the desire in them sent him into his climax. He groaned as he thrust once more, spilling his seed into the young vampire. The other vampire trembled in obvious frustration, but didn't lose control, obviously knowing that would not be forgiven by his master.
Angelus pulled out of the minion, and sat back on the couch, regarding his boy. Will was staring at the floor, biting his lower lip. *Just give in* he silently pleaded with his childe. *Tell me you want to be the one who is taken and end both our frustrations.* "You can leave, Julian," he dismissed the minion without even glancing at him. He'd been an adequate fuck, but not even a tenth as good as Will.
"Yes, Master," Julian nodded and gathered his clothes, leaving quickly.
A piercing shriek broke the silence, and Will started. "Sire, I didn't mean to interrupt," he said, staring at the floor rather than at Angelus. "But ... but you have the key to the basement and ... She's *my* slave and I don't like the minions getting so much time with her," he finished with a petulant glance at his sire.
Angelus chuckled. "I think the key is in my pocket," he said, pointing to his pants which were on the floor. "Bring them to me."
Spike nodded and got to his feet, walking over to Angelus clothes, picking up the pants. He walked over to Angelus, and himself to meet his sire's eyes. Unfortunately, that meant he had to raise his gaze and for some reason his eyes decided to remain fixed when they traveled to Angelus' erection.
"Julian wasn't a good fuck," Angelus said. "But you're here now, so I don't have to go all the way upstairs, at least."
"What?" Spike frowned, and met Angelus' face. "I... what do you mean?"
"You know very well what I mean, Boy," Angelus growled. "Take off your clothes."
"No," Spike shook his head, and started to back away. Angelus grabbed his wrist, however, and yanked him forward. Spike stumbled, and ended up on Angelus' lap. "No!" he yelled again.
"You've gotten too full of yourself," Angelus said, as he tossed him on the couch on his stomach. "I thought, if I just gave you time, you'd come around. But you think you're too good for me now, don't you?" He yanked Spike's trousers down and then placed his cock at his entrance.
"NO! Don't!" Spike yelled, trying to pull away. "Damn you, NO!"
"This wouldn't hurt if you'd just cooperate," Angelus sighed before he thrust in, quickly, without warning.
"NO!" Spike screamed as he felt his insides tearing. *No, this isn't happening, he wouldn't do this to me.*
"Will--"
"NOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Spike punched Angelus in the face, getting free, and ran. He made it to the door but Angelus was too quick. He reached the door just as Spike did, and slammed it shut before Spike could get out.
Spike spun around, and struck out at Angelus again. *I won't let him do this to me again!* Angelus grabbed his arms and pinned them to his sides, holding him still. "STOP IT, NO, I HATE YOU!" Spike yelled.
Angelus winced at the angry words. *He didn't mean it*, he told himself. "Will, stop, you had a dream," he said, tightening his grip on his childe. "Whatever it was, it wasn't real. Calm down; you're okay."
He didn't borach the subject of the dream, he could guess what it had been. When he smelled the terror, he knew it could only be a memory of his "punishment", or a dream that something similar had happened again.
Spike stilled when he realized where he was. Angelus' room. "Oh god," he whispered when he remembered he had actually struck his sire. *Bloody hell, I'm dead.*
He met Angelus' eyes. "I didn't mean it, please forgive me, I would never--"
"Shh," Angelus released him and put a finger to Will's lips. "It's all right. You are forgiven for hitting me; I know you wouldn't have done it if it hadn't been quite a disturbing dream." The younger vampire slumped against him in obvious relief and Angelus took advantage of that to pull him closer. "Tell me about it."
Spike shook his head. "Just a dream, wasn't that important--"
"Will." The tone made it clear that the request had been less a request and more an order.
Spike sighed. "You were angry. Because I was refusing to... let you fuck me."
"So I forced you?" Angelus asked. The way William tensed in his arm answered his question.
Damn it. "You still think I'll do that?" he wondered, looking into his childe's eyes. He had *hoped* they were past that fear. He had been so much more patient than any other vampire he knew would be. More than he had thought *he* was capable of, as a matter of fact. Yet still, his childe apparently expected to be raped at any moment.
"No," Spike met Angelus' gaze with some difficulty. "I don't, it was just a dream--"
"Dreams usually tell you things you deny to others, maybe even yourself," Angelus replied. "Will, I have no intention of forcing myself on you. I thought you were beginning to believe that and trust me, again."
"We are," Spike replied. "I trust you, I just--"
"Not completely," Angelus replied. He released Will and stepped away, looking at the clock. "Unfortunately I don't have time for this discussion yet again. Our banker will be here in an hour and I have quite a bit to discuss with him. You can amuse yourself with Elise until I'm finished with him, and then we can go hunting."
"Can't I go out on my own?" Spike asked. He wanted some time to clear his head, away from Angelus, and besides, if he were alone, he could also pay Michael a visit. "Please, Sire? I promise I won't get into trouble."
Angelus looked at Spike, considering. "Not alone," he decided. "But--" he held up a hand to stifle the coming protests. "You may take Philip. He's fond of you and he knows me well enough to protect you with his life."
Spike sighed but didn't argue. Philip was the least annoying of all the minions, and 'fond' was an understatement. But that was something Spike could use to his advantage. "Yes, Sire. Thank you, Sire," he said, and then turned to go.
*****
"You promise," Spike said again to Philip as they saddled the two horses.
"Yes, Master William, I promise," Philip nodded.
Spike chuckled. "If I'd known you'd be *that* easy I would'a offered to fuck you weeks ago." And then they got on the horses and started off to the city. It really *had* been easy to talk the minion into this. Spike had *known* Philip was attracted to him, so he had bribed him with the promise of a fuck later, if Philip would keep Spike's new lover a secret from Angelus.
Philip had agreed, eagerly, and so their destination was Michael's house. *My new lover* Spike thought with a smile. *I really like the sound of that. Wonder if Michael would?*
He hoped he would.
They arrived at the door and Spike knocked. "I hope this isn't a trick on Angelus' behalf, Philip," he warned. "Because if it is, Angelus will have *my* hide, but then I will have *yours*."
"It isn't, M-"
"Bloody hell, you can call me Spike when His Lordship isn't around, all right?" Spike said, shaking his head. "Especially if I'm gonna be fuckin' you later. Well, I s'pose you *can* call me Master, *then*," he chuckled.
The door opened then, and Spike recognized the servant. "Hello, Paul. Is Michael around?"
"He is, Sir. He'll be very pleased to see you, I'm sure," Paul said with a smile. "Come in, I'll announce you."
Spike and Philip waited in the hall a few minutes, before Michael emerged from a room down the hallway. "Spike, this is a *wonderful*--" Michael's smile faded as he saw Philip, and at that same moment Philip gasped and spoke:
"Penn."
Spike looked at Philip. *No, no he's *wrong*!* "No, his name is Michael!" he growled.
Philip shook his head, adamantly. "I'm sorry, Master. But I'm certain. And we *have* to leave here now! Angelus would be--"
"Angelus would be furious if he knew," Michael interrupted. He sighed and shrugged. "I am so sorry, Spike. I was going to tell you myself when I thought you wouldn't run away if you knew. I--"
"No," Spike interrupted. "No, you *can't* be him!" He couldn't believe it. It would mean... it would mean things that he refused to think about this man that he'd started to feel things for. Most of all, it would mean that he was a pawn in some game that these two had played years ago, and never finished. "I'm still dreaming damn it, I never woke up, this can't be happening, bloody hell!!"
"Spike please," Michael stepped closer. "Let me explain; it isn't what you think." He reached out but was stopped by Philip. "Philip you know me; I wouldn't--"
"All I know is that you tried to destroy your own sire!" Philip yelled angrily. "Who happens to be my master, and I won't let you hurt his favorite childe, as well."
"A dream," Spike muttered again. "Has to be a dream." He just couldn't believe what he was hearing. Mich-- Penn had tried to kill Angelus? Had his recent time with Spike been all part of a plan to kill *him*? He felt sick to his stomach to think he'd been such a fool.
The two were arguing now, loudly, screaming accusations back and forth. "STOP IT!" Spike roared. They both went silent and looked at him. "Philip, I need you to wait outside for me," he said. "I have to talk with Penn alone. And don't argue with me, or I'll stake you and tell Angelus later that you crossed paths with a slayer."
Philip looked at him for several long seconds, but finally seemed convinced by what he saw in Spike's eyes that he meant it. "Very well, but if you *need* me, just yell, Master." He walked outside, closing the door behind him.
Michael - Penn - smiled at him and stepped closer. "I'm so glad you still trust--"
"Stop right there," Spike said, pulling a stake out of his pocket. "Who said anything about trust?" he asked. "*I* said talk."
"So you did," Penn nodded. "Look, put the stake away. I won't hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. I only wanted to help you."
"HELP ME?!" Spike yelled. "Bloody hell, how did you help?!" he demanded.
"Hasn't it helped having someone to be with and talk to other than Angelus?" Penn asked. "I...Right, I admit it, I approached you initially because of a plan to use you to hurt Angelus. I have hated our sire for so many years. He took everything from me, made me love him, made me want him, and then he tossed me aside like a piece of garbage. And yes, I tried to kill him after that. I was absolutely mad with jealousy over his obsession with Drusilla, and when I couldn't get him to look at me like he had, touch me like he had, I went after him with a stake. I just wanted it all to end, damn it. I figured that if I failed, he'd at the very least end my life.
"But instead, he beat me bloody and bruised and then tossed me out of the house." He laughed bitterly. "Again, like a piece of garbage." He sighed. "And that first year was hell, Spike. I was nothing, nobody, and I was so damn lonely. But after a year I had scraped together other lonely, abandoned vampires, made my own clan, and was actually happy. For four wonderful years, I was Michael Penn Anderson again, rather than Penn of the clan Aurelius. You see, Michael *was* my given name, but Angelus called me Penn. What is it with him and nicknames? Anyhow, my life here with my people has been good.
"Until I realized that I'd ended up in the same town with Angelus again. I saw him one night with you, and I was ... it was like the past five years hadn't happened. I wanted to hurt him, and I saw in the way he looked at you how to do it. I intended to meet you, get you alone and destroy you.
"I wasn't counting on actually liking you, though, let alone feeling something... more. Once that happened, the whole plan of revenge went straight out the window. I swear. I wanted to tell you who I was, but I was afraid. Afraid of... " he shrugged. "This, I suppose."
"Feeling what?" Spike asked. Of all Penn had said, he had zeroed in on that one thing, but that was typical. *Too bloody desperate to find someone,* he thought to himself. *And I know it can't be Dru, deep down I've always known that.*
Penn shook his head. "Damned if I know, but it's something right," he said, and stepped closer, cautiously. "I can't stop thinking about you, Spike. I drive myself crazy wondering if you're in his bed and if he's touching you or ... more, and hating him for having that opportunity when I want you all to myself."
"You do?" Spike asked, with some difficulty as his mouth was incredibly dry. "I... You know how he is, Michael. We haven't... yet... but ..."
"He doesn't force you?" Penn questioned, obviously confused by that admission.
"No, I... he did..." *Damn it!* "Don't ask, I don't want to talk about it!" he yelled, turning away. He wasn't ready to talk about that terrible night now, and probably wouldn't *ever* be. "And it's beside the point! The point is... what the hell *is* this?" He chanced a look back at Penn.
"That bastard," Penn growled. "He *doesn't* deserve to have you in his life, Spike. You know this already, I think. Or you're beginning to understand it. He can never really appreciate you or treat you the way you should be treated."
"What, and you could?" Spike sneered, pushing away the regret that surfaced when Penn winced.
"I would never hurt you," Penn replied softly. "I wouldn't treat you like a possession. I would be good to you, treat you with respect."
Spike sighed. "I don't hate you," he said. "But you lied to me, Penn. How can I believe a word you say to me now?"
"I know you probably don't trust me, now," Penn replied. "Please try to understand, though. I lied first because I was going to destroy you, and later because I was afraid of losing you. You mean a lot to me, Spike. Give me a chance to prove that to you."
"And if you do, then what?" Spike wondered. "What would we do after that? Keep living like this, trying to keep Angelus from finding out about you?"
"If that's the only way that I can be with you, then yes," Penn said. "I would prefer to have you all to myself, however."
"You want me to leave him," Spike stated.
"Of course I do, I wouldn't want to share my lover with him," Penn replied. "Don't you *want* that, to be free of him for good?"
"I..." *Don't hesitate! Of *course* you bloody well do,* Spike argued with himself. *After the hell he's put you through how can you *not* want that?*
"I know what you're thinking," Penn nodded. "And believe me, it's natural. As much as you might despise him, you can't deny what he is to you. He's a part of you, and you want him even if you also don't. Believe me, *I* remember that feeling well. But you know, deep down, that he can't be what you really need. I could be, if you'd let me try," he added, reaching out to stroke Spike's face gently.
Spike backed away. "I don't know what to tell you, Michael. I ... I have to go."
"All right," Penn replied. "I hope you'll think about everything I've said, though, Spike. Take your time. I can wait."
*That's a nice change from Angelus,* Spike thought with a sigh. He turned away and opened the door. "Don't ... don't wait too long. If I don't come back... that's an answer, ya know."
"I know," Penn said. "And I won't come to you, don't worry about that. I'll wait. And even if you decide you want to come back a year or a decade from now, it won't be too late. I'll still be here."
"You shouldn't," Spike said, turning to look at him. "I'm not worth all that."
"You're very wrong about that," Penn replied. "I know where you got that impression, but that should tell you how little he really deserves you."
Spike turned away, there was nothing left to say. He *wanted* to stay but his more logical side told him he shouldn't go with emotion now. He needed time. Time to think, try to figure out what was really behind Penn's lie. Time to decide if he wanted to be with this man, or stay with Angelus.
He walked out, shutting the door behind him. Philip approached then. "Master Spike? Is everything all right?"
"Of course," Spike shrugged. "Come on, let's get a good feed out of this evening at least."